You found out that you’re about to have a child. Congratulations! Your life will never be the same again. Here’s some advice I’ve sent to friends who have asked, published for ease of sharing.
Table of Contents
Open Table of Contents
Before Birth
Focus on pre-natal nutrition - it makes a big difference. Take extra care to avoid pesticides, and other things which bioaccumulate, in this formative period. Buy organic when possible. Make sure you eat plenty of fish, or get enough other sources of omega 3, and antioxidants like blueberries.
Spend lots of time learning about the process of birth, and getting ready to support your partner. I recommend hypno-birthing - it made a huge difference for us.
Early months
If you can, prepare yourself such that you can slow down at work for 6 months - you don’t want to be extra busy in this period.
Sleep is the biggest issue in the first 6 months. The baby will likely sleep and wake intermittently around the clock, and you’ll constantly be exhausted.
Be sure to support your partner extra-well during this phase - they’re still recovering physically, and the hormonal changes of pregnancy are still wearing off very gradually.
Take care of the night feeds (use a bottle) so that they can get some uninterrupted sleep time.
Look after your back - bending over to lift and put down will be an extremely repetitive motion for a couple of years, and having bad form can really do some long-term damage. I recommend a changing table like this one for changing the baby at a comfortable level (and storing all the stuff that accumulates).
Routine
Find your new normal - it will be very different, and you will be a different person living a different life. Don’t try to live the life you did before; you can’t, you’ll only dash yourself against your new responsibilities.
The nuclear family is… “scam” is a harsh word, but it’s definitely a reversal of the social conditions we evolved in and for, and places unreasonable expectations on a couple. Not everyone has this luxury, but if you have family nearby, having them available to help regularly will change your life.
Be sure to make time for each other, as partners in this grand project. Find time to connect around the chores and mundanity.
Find meaning
As the circle of life turns, this is an incredible opportunity for deep introspection. Take advantage of the profundity of the anticipation of the baby, and the first weeks and months after their arrival - your habits and life will suddenly have a new malleability, and you can try to become more the person you want to be, for your family.
They may also bring new understanding. The first few times you hold your tiny child, it seems the walls of the spaghetti of spacetime become extra-permeable and you can easily slip into different times and realities. As you you gaze into their tiny face, for an instant you are gazing into your own eyes, inhabiting the body of your parent decades ago - and inhabiting their own joy, fear and confusion. Does anything from your childhood suddenly make more sense?
An instant later, you are the child that you’re holding, gazing at your grandchild in a strange and unfamiliar future world. Then you may realise that this tiny ball of life you hold in your hands may someday lift you, to carry you to your grave, and then live on after you. And that they will eventually pass, too. What will either of you leave behind?